


The World Behind My Wall

by Lord_Byron_Mudkippington



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Naegi Makoto/Kirigiri Kyoko
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:41:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29044764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lord_Byron_Mudkippington/pseuds/Lord_Byron_Mudkippington
Summary: After escaping from Hope's Peak, life doesn't magically get any easier for Toko. She needs help, and at least one of her fellow students/survivors is willing to be there for her.
Kudos: 9





	The World Behind My Wall

**Author's Note:**

> So, I beat Danganronpa, and I really wanted to write something for it. If you notice anything that's like "Hey, this doesn't make any sense," I have not played any of the other games: only the first one. That probably explains it. Spoilers, I suppose.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlLkscjDWsA I took the title for this fic from this song. Does anybody remember this one? I don't even remember the last time I listened to it.

Life hadn't been easy for Toko, not even as a young, renowned romance writer. Everything she wrote was what she wanted, not what she had experienced. The lies were easy to keep up back then, because she had been conning everyone for quite a while. No one would've guessed that the stunning romantic words they were reading was written by a murderer. Well, kind of: the serial killer known as Genocide Jack was a personality that lived in her head, coming out and committing her atrocities while she slumbered in her own mind. She would walk around terrified that one day the cops would show up and arrest her, and her face would be plastered all over the papers: _'Famous young writer arrested for string of murders.'_ It never happened, though, and every week she went without being caught made her less nervous, despite how many bodies kept piling up. She just deluded herself: it wasn't her, right? It was Genocide Jack. That was a personality she had no control over. She didn't even _remember_ what she did while in control. That wasn't her fault, right?

That was all before the Tragedy. Well, not the Tragedy, but the tragedy _after_ the Tragedy. If she still had her memory of those days, it might've been easier to take. However, due to a stupid, nihilistic plot she had no say in, she lost two entire years of her life. Anything she may have wanted to remember was locked within Genocide Jill's mind, which she had little access to. Knowing that two years of her life were a black hole to her was bad enough, but after everything she went through in an attempt to escape the school she was trapped in, it completely snapped her mind. She went from a stammering, mistrustful mess to fully broken.

With everything falling apart around her in the aftermath of the sham that was Hope's Peak, she likely would have slipped away and let Genocide Jill completely take over if it wasn't for him. After what they had all gone through, and what she specifically had put everyone through, she couldn't believe that Makoto had taken her in. He and Kyoko were living together, and for some reason the two of them decided that she was welcome in their house. She had been nothing but rude to them, and they both knew of the killer hidden inside her, yet they still allowed her to take shelter with them. Were they stupid, or naive? Either way, it made her angry, and it made her guilt-ridden.

Sometimes she tried to write another novel. She would sit at Makoto's desk and stare at his computer screen, an empty document in front of her. It felt like all of her abilities had been left in a moment of time she would never remember. Years had passed since her last novel was published, and she wasn't even completely sure about the state of her entire published bibliography. It frustrated her to no end, especially on the days where she wrote nothing, which ended up being most days. She would storm away from the computer and hide under a blanket on the couch, crying and vacillating between hatred of the world and self-loathing.

All her time living with Makoto and Kyoko was spent either hating herself, lashing out at her caretakers, and trying to keep her homicidal urges at bay. Genocide Jill was always lurking in the shadows of her mind: she had no access to her memories or thoughts, but she could always sense her presence. It was terrifying: even if she acted ungrateful, she didn't actually want any harm to befall her caretakers, particularly Makoto. Everyone who had escaped the school knew the truth: Genocide Jill only killed males, and a cute boy like Makoto filled that checkbox in every way. There was no way she could allow Genocide Jill to get free and kill Makoto. She wouldn't let her...

The most problematic times for her was when she was left alone with Makoto. Kyoko had to go somewhere: she never asked where, though based on their conversations in the school, it was probably somewhere that she wouldn't reveal until the last minute. If she didn't have the thought of everything she had been going through weighing on her mind, she could believe they were just having a normal time together. Sitting on the couch and watching TV seemed like such a luxury after what they had all gone through. However, her eyes could only stay on the screen for so long before she'd look over at Makoto.

His motivations felt so unclear to her. He _had_ to hate her, after finding out who she truly was. It wasn't just the killer inside her, though. She was ugly and uncomfortable to be around. This was a fact that she believed with all her heart. Everybody found her hideous, and they would gawk at her hideousness wherever she walked. They would then turn and run away whenever she looked at them, not wanting to be anywhere near her. She didn't need to ask anyone to confirm it, because she knew it. So why was Makoto sitting next to her? Why would he invite her to live with him and treat her like she was a normal girl? Like a _friend_? He was tricking her somehow: she just didn't know how.

There were days where she would just lie on the couch and try to figure out what Makoto and Kyoko's angles were. They wanted something from her, but she had yet to figure it out. Maybe they were after some sort of recognition from her, since she _was_ a famous author and all. Or maybe they knew how dangerous she was, and they were lulling her into a false sense of security so they could off her in the middle of the night. That thought in particular filled her with dread, and many nights she would lie there with one eye open, though the only time either of them had come to kill her was when Makoto had gone to the kitchen to get a glass of water. That had been a close call.

So now she was sitting next to Makoto on the couch, constantly side-eyeing him and shaking with nervousness. Everything was becoming too much for her to handle, and it was causing her a lot of mental pain. Why was this happening to her? Why couldn't she just live a normal life? Was this punishment for Genocide Jill? It wasn't something she could control! Everyone probably thought she could, but she couldn't. She had no hold on her unwelcome mind partner. Why did this have to happen to her?

"Toko? Are you okay?" Makoto was addressing her: he was looking at her fully now instead of the TV. Seeing him looking at her with what seemed to be genuine concern was just too much for her to bear. She pushed her palms against the sides of her head, grimacing and groaning in agony. "Toko?!" His hands were on her shoulders, squeezing them tightly. This was something he must have been used to, thanks to the many instances of her losing her cool back in the school. Why was he trying to see if she was okay? Why would he care?

"Wh-Why do you care? Y-Y-You're just t-trying to trick me! D-D-Don't look at m-me!" Her stuttering problem had not faded at all after their escape. She was just as frustrating to listen to as always, which is how she knew that Makoto was just tricking her. No one wanted to hear her stammer her way through a simple sentence.

"Because you're my friend, Toko. I want to help you." He lied to her so easily, like he was born to do so. It wasn't like he was the ultimate liar, though: he was just the most ordinary. Or perhaps the ultimate hope, as Kyoko had put it. He was ultimately hopeless, though, wanting to help her and treat her like a friend. They weren't friends!

"N-No you d-don't! Y-You hate me, I-I know you d-do! D-D-Don't lie to me, M-Makoto!" Each time he insisted that he cared about her, it made her even more upset. They were all out to get her: she knew they were. It was inconceivable that anything else could be true.

"I don't hate you, Toko. Kyoko doesn't either. We want to help you." They _had_ allowed her into their house when they could've rightfully left her to rot in the cold. She had said they weren't friends: why would they believe otherwise unless they were that committed to the bonds they forged within the school? God, being forced to look in his eyes was making her feel funny. It was like... like she _could_ believe him. She broke eye contact with him, sniffling as she felt tears starting to well up in her eyes.

"N-No, that's... w-w-wrong. Y-You can't... Y-You h-have to h-hate me. Wh-Why are you s-s-saying you don't?!" At that moment, it felt like every single weight that she had on her shoulders was crushing her at the same time. She couldn't handle the weight, and she dissolved into ugly, loud sobbing, becoming the ugly, unlovable wretch that she always knew that she was. "S-Stop... Stop p-p-pretending to c-c-care..." She didn't have any fight left in her, though. Her arguments against Makoto were weak and pitiful.

"Toko, you keep saying that, but my answer hasn't changed. I care about you because you're my friend, and you need our help. After all we went through, I couldn't live with myself if I let you deal with all of this on your own." He was... He was being genuine? For the first time, she felt like she could feel the honesty of another person in a positive way. He... He really _did_ care. Even daring to think such a thought caused her brain to collapse, and she fell against Makoto's body, openly sobbing.

"Wh-Why are you s-such an idiot, M-M-Makoto?! Y-You know I c-c-can't control Genocide Jill. Sh-She's going to g-get out, and she'll k-k-kill you!"

"She hasn't come out yet, has she?" That... was true. Genocide Jill hadn't taken over her conscious and gone on another killing spree that she knew of. If she had, then it would be hard for Makoto and/or Kyoko to not be aware of it. Genocide Jill was familiar with those two now, and wouldn't care much to hide the truth from them. She must really not have come out since she came to live with them. Were they actually helping her in some way? Was their presence keeping her within her own mind?

"S-So what? I-I can't control her f-forever. Y-You're going to g-get yourself k-killed, and that's y-y-your fault! E-Even though I t-t-tried s-so hard..." She hid her face against his shoulder, her difficult to understand speech further muddied by her sobbing. He had seen the case files with the pictures of all the men she had killed as Genocide Jack. What made him think he was impervious to that?

"I know you're trying, Toko, and we're not going to give up on you. Kyoko and I will help you for as long as you need. That's a promise." He gently rubbed her back, holding her close to him. She could feel warmth radiating off of him, and she unconsciously pressed closer. His honesty, his hope... Kyoko was right: he _was_ the ultimate hope. She had never been able to trust anyone, or get close to them, unless they went out of their way to treat her poorly. Could this be the first person who treated her _nicely_ that she could trust?

"Y-You promise?" She pulled away from his shoulder, looking in his eyes. He nodded, smiling at her. Rather than stammering out another miserable sentence, she just hid her face against his shoulder again, letting years of struggle pour out in her tears. She needed help. She had always needed help. Maybe that was from Makoto. Him and Kyoko... They could actually care about her. Maybe this was what she needed, after all her denials and anger. She just needed to step back from herself and let someone in, to let them help her where she could not. Again she pulled away from Makoto's shoulder, looking into his eyes, at his warm, hopeful smile.

Suddenly, she had an idea for another novel.


End file.
